Total Random Warrior Cats 3
by Lilystar of Spam And RPing
Summary: Yes, there was one...then two...now three!
1. Chapter 1

"I'VE COME ABOUT SOME CASH!"

"GOT TWENTY DOLLARS IN MY POCKET!"

Kitty Kat and Hawkfrost had broke up, and now were getting married again.

"HERE COMES THE BRIDE!" AWESOME KITTEH yelled, aiming her pistol at SIR PHINEAS.

"HERE COMES THE BRIDE!" SIR PHINEAS yelled. "DON'T YOU DARE SHOOT ME!"

"I now pronounce you husband and slut!" Firestar yelled. "YOU MAY NOT KISS THE KITTY KAT."

"We're gonna anyway." Hawkfrost mewed before kissing her.

"EEWWWW." The kits yelled.

...

"DIS IS MY SISTER SILVER." Lilystar yelled. She pulled a sleek, silver she cat with gray eyes up next to her. "RESPECT HER OR I KEEL YOU."

"Uh, ok!" Everyone yelled.

Then a giant purple elephant fell down from the sky.

...

"Why are we here again?" Firestar asked. Everyone was on pluto.

"Because SOMEONE," AWESOME KITTEH turned to glare at LUCKY KITTEH, who smiled sheepishly. "Thought it would be fun to feed Firestar beans and put a fire by his BUTT!"

"I didn't know it would make the world-"

"AND ALL THE PLANETS OTHER THAN PLUTO."

"Blow up!"

...

**Need...Ideas...*dies***


	2. Chapter 2

(Bold is all Crystal Silvera's)

**...**

** "It was a normal day in ThunderClan. Kits played, warriors hunted, and the leader was high on catnip. Oh, and also -" **

** "SHUDDUP! AND I THOUGHT I ALREADY KILLED YOU LIKE A GAZILLION TIMES ALREADY!" Bluestar roared, aiming a giant bazooka gun at Narrator.**

** "Well too bad, I have an infinite number of lives!" sniffed the Narrator, looking down at Bluestar. Her right eye twitched.**

** "WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?" she hissed. "That I have an infinite number of lives!" Narrator said gleefully. Bluestar shot the gun.**

** "And that," said Narrator Jr, "Is why you do not infuriate Bluestar when her right eye twitches." Her right eye twitched again and she shot the gun at Narrator Jr, screaming, "SAY MY NAME IN CAPS, IDIOT!"**

** ...Random Gathering...**

** "Hi everyone! I'm the new leader of ShadowClan, Happystar!"**

** Everyone stared. "Happystar, of /ShadowClan/? What was his warrior name, Happyidiot?" a random WindClan cat asked. **

** Happystar beamed. "Correct! How'd you guess?"**

** The random WindClan cat facepawed. "Urgh."**

** "Well anyway, as I was saying - ShadowClan's doing awesome, and we've decided to write up a truce that lasts for eternity and not only on Gatherings!" Happystar said, smiling.**

** Everyone blinked. "ARE YOU NUTS?!" came a yowl from ShadowClan.**

** Happystar whipped around and glared at the speaker. "DIE!" he hissed.**

** The warrior dropped dead and everyone started screaming.**

** Amid the chaos, CRYSTAL SILVERA appeared and cried, "IT'S TIGERSTAR! HAPPYSTAR IS TIGERSTAR IN DISGUISE!"**

** Happystar stared. "Aww, was it that easy to see through?" **

** "Yup," CRYSTAL SILVERA replied, " 'Cuz the costume zipper isn't zipped up all the way, idiot." **

** Tigerstar gasped like a girl and poofed away into the Dark Forest.**

** "HURRY UP AND CHOOSE A LEADER SHADOWCLAN!"**

** ...**

** Sol was back!**

** Okay not really. But sort of.**

** As in, he was back - as pie.**

** "I SENSE A DISTURBANCE," Dovewing said mysteriously. Jayfeather nodded and sighed. "You always do. What is it this time?"**

** "I SENSE . . . AN INTRUDER HAS APPEARED AS A PIE!" Dovewing screeched, then started screaming, "EAT THE PIE EAT THE PIE THE PIE IS EVIL THE PIE IS EVIL EAT THE PIE!" while running around camp.**

** And thus Sol died, eaten by a mob of hungry ThunderClan warriors.**

...

AWESOME KITTEH had some more kits. They were mysteriously unnamed.

"Your the new Ferncloud!" Ashfur exclaimed.

AWESOME KITTEH's eyes went red.

"Uh oh..." Kitty Kat looked up from her magazine. "RUN FOR THE BLOODY HILLS!"

In the end, Ashfur died.

...

"ROOOARR!" Godzilla screamed as he smashed through the trees.

"AHHH!" Firestar screamed, running away.

"Help!" Squirrelflight cried, falling down.

"EVERY CAT FOR THEMSELVES!" Firestar screeched, throwing a brick at his daughter.

...At The Cloud...

"Seeing as Godzilla is attacking the clans-" Lilystar was cut off by Godzilla crushing something. Leafpool ran to the window.

"Aww, it's my car!" She sobbed as her car was crushed.

All of ThunderClan was in The Cloud, waiting for Lilystar to save their butts.

"Anyway, I can not kill it, or send AWESOME KITTEH after if with SIR PHINEAS in a giant tank blowing it up, because it is protected by TV." Lilystar continued. "So we will have to all work together and kill it."

Everyone in ThunderClan groaned.

"We will have five leaders. Me, AWESOME KITTEH," AWESOME KITTEH looked up from sharpening her knives. "SIR PHINEAS," Everyone looked at SIR PHINEAS who was grabbing weapons and putting them in a bag. "CRYSTAL SILVERA," They all looked at said she cat who was juggling TNT. "Aaaaannnddddd... Ashkit."

"WHAT?!" Everyone roared.

"Ashkit's an idiot!"

"Probably a reincarnation of Ashfur!"

"StarClan save us!"

"SHUT UP!" Lilystar roared. "NOW GET IN THE BLOODY AIRPLANES!"

Everyone jumped in an airplane and began to fly around Godzilla.

"Pew pew pew!" Sandstorm shot spitballs in his ear.

"DIE!" SIR PHINEAS shot his arm.

"YOU MUST FACE THE WRATH OF MY EPIC PINEAPPLE!" STORMHEART shrieked, and a giant pineapple was dumped on Godzilla.

...

"Hee hee hee!" Onestar giggled.

"Ha ha ha!" Firestar slurred.

The clans were at a gathering.

Onestar and Firestar were drunk.

Need I say more?

Blackstar and Mistystar watched the other two leaders stumble around with a look of disgust on their faces.

"Will they ever learn?" Blackstar whispered to Mistystar.

"Not likely." Mistystar whispered back.

"PIE PIE PIE PIE SEXY PIE!" Onestar shrieked as he and Firestar danced around a pie.


	3. Chatper 3

"FLASHPARTY GET YOUR BUTT OVER HERE!" Lilystar shrieked. Flashparty screamed and ran behind AWESOME KITTEH.

"What da hell happened?" AWESOME KITTEH mewed blankly.

"THAT - THAT - THAT - FLASHPARTY WAS SITTING ON THE GRASS BY THE RIVER!" Lilystar screamed. AWESOME KITTEH gasped.

"The _grass_ by the _river_?!" She exclaimed, and slapped Flashparty.

"What's so bad about the grass by the river?!" Flashparty yelled.

Lilystar and AWESOME KITTEH exchanged a slow look.

"Weelll..." Lilystar mewed. "Long ago..."

...Long Ago...

Long Ago, there lived four clans, before ThunderClan, ShadowClan, RiverClan, WindClan, LeopardClan, TigerClan, LionClan, StarClan, and SkyClan, called PoopClan, PoptartClan, PineappleClan, and PilgrimClan. They were nicknamed the four Pee's.

Anyway, the four Pee's lived in the forest peacefully. Until Oreo, a creepy cat came with his brothers, Catpoop and Marshush, and their army, the Dolturi.

The four pee's mocked them because they did not have P at the start of their names. Then, Lane, a super creepy cat, made them all die.

So, all of the four Pee's were buried underneath that bit of grass.

...End Long Ago...

"So...I sat on top of dead bodies?" Flashparty concluded.

"Yeppers."

"AWESOME."

...

"EVERYONE!" Firestar shrieked. "WE SHALL ATTACK SHADOWCLAN!"

"YEEEAAAHHHH!" ThunderClan screeched.

"GET IN THE BUUUSSSSS!" Firestar yowled. All of ThunderClan piled into the giant bus, Lilystar, the caps group and her sisters climbed into Lilystar's death machine of a car (Inscrutable double decker Ferrari with guns of the side, spiked wheels, and a machine gun on the top) and SIR PHINEAS into SIR TANK OF MURDEROUS EXPLOSIONS (his tank).

They all drove onto the disgusting, rotten, crow food infested land that is ShadowClan territory. The trees were knocked down and holes were made in the ground (GO SIR PHINEAS!)

They finally reached ShadowClan camp and drove over all of them.

Non-Sobness.

...

ThunderClan was partying, either because there was a new shipment of Catmint, or their victory. Either one, it was an awesome party.

SUDDENLY:

Saberstar appeared riding a purple dragon, the dragon breathing Brown Fire. Saberstar landed in ThunderClan's camp, right on top of Ashfur.

"WHAT?!" Firestar screamed/slurred.

"I am here to destroy you!" Saberstar laughed evilly.

Firestar ate him AND the dragon.

...

"Sharpies are goooodddd..." Firestar giggled. Everyone was sniffing sharpies.

"Smeelllss niiiiccceeee..." Squirrelflight sighed.

"HEY BISHES!" Lilystar screamed/giggled. "I FOUND A PACKET OF SCENTED SHARPIES! AND NAIL POLISH!"

"OH MY GAWD!" ThunderClan screamed and ran towards Lilystar, who was on the Highledge, throwing sharpies and nail polish.

"SHARPIES AND NAIL POLISH FOR ALL!"


	4. Chapter 4

"MUSTACHE PARTY, MUSTACHE PARTY, WE ARE IN A MUSTACHE PARTY!" ThunderClan sang. Everyone had a mustache, either real or sharpie drawn on, and they were all partying.

"MUSTACHES FOR ALL!" Firestar shrieked. Everyone cheered.

WHEN...

Charlie the Unicorn swooped down and took SIR TANK OF MURDEROUS EXPLOSIONS!

"HEY!" SIR PHINEAS screamed, and chased him.

"THE WORLDS GONNA END!" Ravenflight shrieked. "ITS GONNA EEEND!"

...

"Lime Green Squirrel!" Tigerstar gasped. "Why are you here?!"

"To annoy you."

"You can't annoy me." Tigerstar mewed proudly.

"THE WORLDS GONNA END!" Ravenflight gasped and ran around screaming.

"Hey-hey Tigger!"

"Yeah?" Tigerstar mewed, looking at Lime Green Squirrel.

"Can I call you Tigey Wigey?"

"No."

"Tigery Poptart?"

"NO."

"Tiggy Potter?"

"AHHHHHGGG!" Tigerstar ran away screaming.

...

"GIVE IT." SIR PHINEAS screamed at Bulletkit.

"No."

"GIVE IT!" SIR PHINEAS tugged at the shiny gun.

"No."

"Give it!"

"NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!" Bulletkit shrieked and turned into an evil demon with fire swarming around her and a knife in her paws.

"THE WORLDS GONNA END!" Ravenflight passed out.

"O-OK..."

...

"YES YES YES." Lilystar screamed. "Submit cats if you wish and- TIGERSTAR! GIVE BACK MY NIECES GUN!"

She turned to Tigerstar, who was running off with the gun. She set him on fire and took the gun. "Here Sweetheart." She mewed to Bulletkit.

"Lilystar? Being nice? The worlds gonna-" Lilystar shocked Ravenflight.


	5. Chapter 5

** Guest: Uh, sure? Whats your name?**

* * *

"MWA HA HA!" Tigerstar laughed from his and Scourge's evil lair that has a moat around it with sharks with LAZORS attached to their heads.

"OK, this is how we take over the lake." Scourge mewed. "We kill them all."

"NOO!" Tigerstar yelled. "We have to throw food at them and then eat a bubble!"

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! WE KILL THEM!" Scourge yelled.

"NO, WE THROW FOOD!"

"KILL!"

"FOOD!"

"KILL!"

"FOO-"

_**BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM.**_

When the dust cleared up, Lilystar was standing in the rubble with Scourge and Tigger's heads in her hands.

...Stormheart of Awesomeclan...

"Stormheart was slaping Stupidface, AWESOME KITTEH was slapping Sir Phinny and Bluestar was chasing me." Bluestar caught up with Narrator and shoved Stormheart's knife-pineapple down his throught.

...

"CHARLIE YOU CAN'T FLY." SIR PHINEAS yelled. Charlie began to fall.

"AHH THE WORLDS GONNA-" Charlie fell down on Ravenflight and crushed him. Then SIR TANK OF MURDEROUS EXPLOSIONS fell and squashed Charlie. The tank didn't have a scratch on it.

Firestar started Herp Derpn' and yelled "SANDSTORM YOU STOOOPID!"

He died.

...

"Now, son." SIR PHINEAS mewed to SIR SPARKY. "This is how you blow up Tigerstar without him having a spaz at you."

He jumped in his tank and rode up behind Tigerstar. He tapped Tigerstar on the back.

Tigerstar turned around and had the blowing up thing in his face. SIR PHINEAS blew him up.

...

"YO SILVERMOON." Lilystar yelled.

"Yes?" Silvermoon looked up from his laptop.

"I WANNA GUN COLLECTION." So Silvermoon gave her a gun collection.

"I WANNA PONY."

"I WANNA CACTUS."

"I WANNA FERNCLOUD."

"A SPONGE BOB!"

"WATER?"

"SOAP!"

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM.

Lilystar blew them all up.

"THANK YOU." Silvermoon yelled.

"Uh, can I have a snake?"

"..."

...

"Hey everyone!" Firestar yowled.

Tigerstar popped out of no where and tried to kill him.

A mouse with an epic yellow sumbraro jumped out and pooped on Tigerstar's head.

"OH MY STARCLAN IT'S MOUSE WITH HAT!" Lilystar yelled.

Mouse With Hat (MwH for short) magically flew away.


	6. Chapter 6

"AHH! THE WORLDS GONNA-"

"SHUUUUUUUTTTTT UPPPPPP!" Lilystar flung open the door and stomped out onto the fluffy cloud, her red fur bristling as she looked down at Ravenflight. "I AM NOT IN A GOOD MOOD!" Lightning bolts stuck him, making his fur frizzled, as cats peeked out of their dens.

"Why are you not in a good mood?" BLUESTAR asked, adjusting her epic gangster hat.

"BECAUSE. I JUST AM. PLUS I FOUND A NEW CLAN TO HATE!" She yelled brightly, her green eyes lighting up. Amberpaw, a fluffy white she cat, stepped forward and mewed "What clan is it?"

"I can not say." Lilystar mewed solemnly, the tip of her red tail twitching agitatedly"Because they would flood my inbox with hate stuff. But, anyways, it is a former clan I was in. So now I shall blow it up." In the distance, a giant BOOM was heard.

Everyone cheered, and Lilystar's newest sister, the epic Dawnish, padded up behind her and, using her epic power of water and fire, set fire to the ashes then tipped water on the remains.

"PICKLE FIGHT!" SIR PHINEAS randomly screamed and began to beat STORMHEART with a pickle.

* * *

"SIR SPARKUS." SIR PHINEAS yelled at his son. "THOU SHALL FIRE THE LAZER AT...PURPLEGAZE."

Purplegaze looked up and screamed when she was incinerated.

"HEY, HEY FIRESTAR." Purepaw screamed at the ginger leader.

"Yes?"

"HEY FIRESTAR! HEY!" Darkkit called from the clouds.

"Yes."

"FIRESTAR! HEEEY! FIRESTAR!" Dapplekit yelled, sitting next to him and yelling in his ear.

"YES?"

"FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRESTAR! HEY!" Stormkit whined.

"WHAT YOU BISHES?!" He finally snapped, roaring.

"...knife." Lilystar mewed from infront of him. A random knife fell from the sky and chopped Firestar to bits.

* * *

"WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THE CLAN I WAS LAST IN?!" Lilystar screamed at a cat, in dim light. She was trying to find out information so she could destroy them.

"N-nothing!" The cat stammered, extremely creeped out how Dawnish stood in the corner, cracking her knuckles and taking threatening bites from an apple.

"TELL USSSSSSSSS!" CRYSTAL SILVERA, hyped up on candy canes, screamed, bouncing around the room.

"NO!"

"YEEEEEEESSSSSHHH!" Lilystar roared, thunder and lightning cracking behind her. "TELL US OR THE PICKLE DIES!" She pointed to a pickle that Dawnish was now holding.

"NOO! NOT THE PICKLE!" SIR PHINEAS wept in the corner. The cat looked even more freaked out, and died from the weirdness.

* * *

AWESOME KITTEH walked into the camp, dragging a bag behind her. Everyone watched with interest as she yelled "FIRE." and tipped the contents of the bag in the middle of the clearing. Small, brown biscuits fell out.

"What are they?" Willowpelt, who had come back from the dead, asked.

"TIM TAMS!" Lilystar screeched and fell down from her cloud onto the pile. She began to devour them, not caring that they were covered in dirt and mud and bugs.

"I DECLARE WAR!" Tigger appeared with an army of bugs behind him. They all randomly shrunk to the size of a rock.

"ME TO." Lilystar, who was now hyper, squealed and yelled "FIGHTERS ASSEMBLE!"

Everyone jumped behind her, holding bug spray.

"FOR NAAAARNIA!" Lilystar yowled before they all charged. Tigerstar and his pitiful army charged but were soon stomped on because they were so tiny.

"MARSHMALLOWS FOR THE WIN!" Kitty Kat yowled and threw her wig in the air.

"HEEEEEEEEEEEY! AWESOME FOOOT!" SIR PHINEAS sang, dancing around a toy dog.

"I AM QUEEN LILYSTAR OF SHARPINESS, RANDOMNESS AND ROLEPLAYING!" Lilystar announced, doing the spider.

"EH EH EH!" Mousefur screamed, then died of blood loss, because everyone had been poking her with pointy sticks. Speaking of pointy sticks, Brambleclaw had now replaced his with a sauce gun and was squirting the walls with it.

Just another normal day in ThunderClan.


	7. Short chapter

"AHH THE WORLDS-" Lightning struck Ravenflight and everyone walked out of their dens, blinking their sleepy eyes.

"Kill it." Lilystar told the kits as she gave them a wolf toy. "Kill it with fire." They nodded and ran off to make a bonfire.

"Hey AWESOME KITTEH!" Waterkit screamed. "YOUR DADS HERE."

The epic black she cat looked up from what she was going and glared at Blackstar, who had randomly stomped into camp.

"Go away." Lilystar snarled, and picked up a rubber chicken. "I am not afraid to use this."

Firestar suddenly bounced around camp with Cloudtail holding onto his tail.

"THE BERRY APOCOLYPSE!" He screamed before passing out. Cloudtail transformed into a gigantic, purple berry and began to eat everyone.

...

"DAAAARLINGS." TheArchive purred rustily, her green feather boa swinging as she burst into lilystars house. Lilystar narrowed her eyes and started growling. "Your fathers want to see you!"

"NUH UH I AM NOT TALKING TO THAT PIECE OF DUNG." AWESOME KITTEH screamed.

"My daddy has powers!" Mary-sue smiled, batting her eyes lashes as Hawkfrost.

"STAY AWAY FROM MY MAN!" Kitty Kat yowled, tackling her.

"My dads an idiotic, ignorant imbosile!" Lilystar huffed. Lionblaze, Firestar, Tigerstar and Blackstar walked in. Then came Crookedstar, Dawnish's dad.

"Hey! How come I'm the only one with a dad not a leader!?" Mary-sue huffed. A pickle fell from the sky and was scorched by the green pineapples fiery biscuit lazer beams.


	8. Chapter 8

...

"DIE POTATOE!" Firestar screamed at Greystripe.

"Not today." Greystripe mewed calmly while carefully peeling a sweatshirt.

"You got it!" Firestar exclaimed as he began to dance. Then everyone randomly jumped in a plane and began to fly.

"This is your captain speaking..." A loud voice squeaked from the speakers. "I have good news and bad news."

Sandstorm looked up from her 16moons Magazine and mewed "Whats the news?"

"The good news is we're landing. The bad news is...we're crash landing."

Everyone screamed. Firestar grabbed all the life jackets, parachutes and safety kits, and yelled "I DESERVE TO LIVE MORE THAN YOU!" And jumped off the plane.

The rest of his clan followed. Thankfully, they all landed on Firestar, who hadn't put on his parachute because they were only hovering above the ground. They had landed in a horrible land that smelt like boogers.

"Hello?" Cloudtail called into the thick green fog. Cats with crap stained pelts stepped out and looked at them curiously.

"Me Firestar." Firestar mewed as he tip toed around. He then made some weird blowing up noises while saying "We fly! Fly! In great metal bird! Then we PLUMMET!" He made his paw go down and made a boom noise. "We emeeerge..." And only bring happiness! And good greetings!''

The strange cats looked at him strangely before a cat stepped forward, her shit covered pelt glistening.

"I am Nook where small crap floats." She mewed gruffly. "We come from the Tribe of Rushing Diarrhoea." (A/N: I MEAN NO OFFENSE TO THE TRIBE! I ADORE BROOK TO. IM JUST TRYNA BE FUNNY)

Brightheart blinked and mewed "Do you have food?"

"We have no food...only crap cakes."

"M'kay."

...

"OMNGBFHTT I SAW LIKE A CHOCOLATE COVERED RAINBOW BUNNY THST WAS HOLDING A WAFFLE!" Brightheart gabbled to Spiderleg.

"Uh...what?" Jayfeather mewed, very confused.

"You know, a chocolate bunny!" Brightheart trilled.

Brambleclaw exchanged a slow look with Jayfeather, then asked "Whats chocolate?"

"OMG!" Cloudtail gasped loudly. "You don't know what the amazing chocolate is?!"

"No...do you Jayfeather?" Brambleclaw asked.

"Oh, I'm a blind cranky medicine cat. I know all about twoleg food." He mewed sarcastically.

"Oh..."

"I SAW A RAINBOW IPHONE!" Firestar yowled as he fell into camp. Lilystar, his half daughter, soon fell in after him.

"IT WAS HUGE!" Lilystar exclaimed.

"AND BIG!" Firestar added.

"HUGE AND BIG ARE THE SAME THING." Lilystar yelled.

"NO THERE NOT."

"YES THEY ARE."

"ARE NOT."

"ARE TO!"

"ARE NOT!"

"ARE TO!"

"I SAW IT FIRST!"

"NO, I SAW IT FIRST!" The family continued to bicker.

"Uh...what's an iPhone?" Brambleclaw asked.

They two looked at him, then exchanged slow looks.

...1 moon later...

They made Brambleclaw go to nuts training. He was now bonkers, leaving Jayfeather the only sane cat in the clan.


	9. Chapter 9

...

"I'm gonna win." Lilystar muttered, staring into Nightcloud's eyes without blinking.

"AS if." Nightcloud hissed, looking at her.

The two were having a staring competition.

"WindClan hoe." Lilystar growled.

"Stupid sky cat!" Nightcloud snarled.

"Bish!"

"Fox heart!"

"Fox dung!"

"IDIOT!"

Lilystar gasped, her eyes turning red. Nightcloud blew up. When the dust settled, all that was left was a pink claw.

"I WON!"

...

AWESOME KITTEH stood in the McDonalds drive-through, serving some idiot some food.

"Um, AWESOME KITTY." The cat mewed. AWESOME KITTEH's eyes twitched. "I would like some soup."

"We don't ALWAYS CAT-" AWESOME KITTEH growled quietly. "How about pizza?"

"WE don't serve pizza." AWESOME KITTEH hissed through the gritted teeth.

"OK, Actual Kit-"

"ARRRRRRGGGGH! SAY IT IN CAAAPPPSSS!" AWESOME KITTEH screeched. The cat blew up.

...

"Hey Hawkfrost." Mary-Sue mewed flirtatiously. Kitty Kat bit her lip and narrowed her eyes.

"Uh, hi?" Hawkfrost muttered.

"Wanna go out?" Mary sue flipped her hair.

Kitty Kat blew her up.

"Whos got the chicken?!" Brightheart randomly yelled.

...

"Son, we must invade Purplegaze and kill her!" SIR PHINEAS announced to SIR SPARKUS. He nodded and jotted down some notes.

Purplegaze and her daughter Purple-eye randomly appeared. Purple-eye screamed "SIR SPARKUS IS MINE!"

SIR SPARKUS froze in fear. Purple-eye ran towards him. SIR SPARKUS blew her up.

...

"THE WORLDS GONNA EEENNNDDD!" Ravenflight shrieked, flailing his paws. Ferncloud ate a marshmallow as she floated on a water balloon.

Dustpelt partied hard. Lilystar did a back flip. Ravenflight ran into Dawnish.

Dawnish's eyes turned red.

Dawnish blew up Ravenflight.

"Not bad sis... not bad."

...

Dawnish and STORMHEART crept into the Dark Forest, holding water guns filled with ketchup. The two had gotten along quite well and were plotting to kill the Dark Forest cats.

"Come on." Dawnish hissed and slowly walked through some bushes. Tiggy was standing there. The two squirted their guns at him.

"NOO!" Tigerstar yowled. "I'M HIT! I'M HIT!" He clutched the ketchup on his chest. "TELL MY CHICKEN I LOVE HIM!" Then he fell to the ground.

There was silence, until Dawnish exclaimed "Tell my mother I hate her!"

...

"WHAT IS THIS RUBBISH?!" LUCKY KITTEH roared at the TV. Her and CRYSTAL SILVERA were watching Twilight. They had only gotten to the title and they were already freaking out.

"BURN IT!" CRYSTAL SILVERA set the TV on fire. "DIE TWILIGHT DIE!"

"ITS AWFUL! HER WHINY VOICE KILLED MY NOSE!" LUCKY KITTEH complained.

"Your nose?"

"Thats how bad it was!"

...

"BUT BELLA! I LOVE YOU!" Dustpelt screamed. Him, Firestar and Sandstorm were re inacting Twilight.

''Why do I have to be the gay vampire?!" Firestar complained, pouting.

"Because your exactly like him!" Dustpelt smirked. Firestar narrowed his eyes and jumped on him.

"PLEASE BOYS! DON'T FIGHT INFRONT OF THE CHILDREN!" Bluestar floated down from StarClan with Mosskit behind her.

"Oh, sorry Mosskit." Dustpelt mewed.

"Not Mosskit, marshmallow!" Bluestar giggled, holding out a marshmallow. The marshmallow blew up. "NOOO!"

...

"I AM REDHEART! HERE ME ROAR!" A red cat burst into camp.

"Oh great, another nuts cat." Leafpool rolled his eyes.

"I bet I can beat you in a nuts competition." Jayfeather mewed calmly.

"YEAH RIGHT YA LITTLEGRAY DEMON CHICKEN BISH!" The Redheart shrieked as he skipped around singing about cloud babies.

Jayfeather took a deep breath. "DIIEEEEE!" He screeched. He started to run around, spitting on people and grabbing plants and singing to them. Then he turned to sky pink, red, green, yellow and white as he began to break dance. "DO THE POOOP DANNNNNNCCCCE!" He screamed.

After doing many other things, everyone else was very astounded.

"GOOD AFTERNOON BABIES, SIMS, AND CLOUDFEATHERS." He screamed before passing out.


	10. Back To The Warriors Past

It was quiet. The sounds of the birds rustling in the leaves and the trickle of the small stream next to the camp were the only noises heard.

Twilight was settling upon the territory, cats gazing up at the sky. It was peaceful. It seemed that nothing-

"EDWAAAARDPAW!" A shrill, whiny voice screeched from outside the camp. The clan sighed; it was only a matter of time before They came back and interrupted the peace.

Bellapaw strutted into camp, her mud brown fur trailing behind her. Her crap coloured eyes scanned the camp until it rested on a disco ball in the corner.

"Edwardpaw!" She purred disgustingly, lice falling out of her fur. The disco ball began to roll away, trying to get away from the cat.

"Bloody vampires..." The ginger leader, Firestar, muttered from his position in between his best friend and his mate.

"I see trees coming!" A short, spiky furred, black she cat declared, acting as if she was the most important cat In the world. The medicine cat, Leafpool, hissed impatiently.

"Alicepaw, dear, there's trees everywhere." Esmecaramal, Alicepaw'a mother, started to say before a small Chiuawa bounced into camp.

"Not Jacobpaw..." Cloudtail groaned, his fur bristling with impatience.

Bellapaw then tripped and got a small bruise on her leg. Carlisledoctor and Leafpool rushed forward, then began to growl at each other.

"I'm the medicine cat." Leafpool snarled.

"Well I'm a doctor!"

"Medicine cat!"

"Doctor!"

"MEDICINE CAT!"

"DOC-"

"ENOUGH!" Firestar roared. Everyone turned to look at him.

"The noise is like, breaking my nails, which are way better than yours Squirrelflight." Rosaliepaw trilled.

Squirrelfight jumped on her and began to claw her with all of her strength.

"NEVER FEAR! HOGWARTS IS HERE!" Another voice yelled and cats began to ride down on broomsticks, shooting spells at the Twilighters.

"Thank you Harrypaw!" Ferncloud smiled

"And you Hermionepaw!"

"Don't forget Dumbledorebeard!"

"And Ronpaw!"

"Whatever can we do in return?" Firestar asked like the good leader he is.

"Weeeelll, there is one thing..."

-1 moon later-

"YIPEE!" Cats with broomsticks where flying around the camp, eating the fresh kill, sleeping and shooting target spells at the ThunderClan warriors.

"I still think this is better than the twilighters." Sandstorm Murmered to Firestar

"Oh definatly." He replied.

...

Quintain gave me this idea... You rock Quintain!

...

Purdy began to build a time machine. When he was done, it was a giant purple rock that farted at the most strangest moments.

Proud of his... Er... 'Creation', he skipped into camp and dragged Dovewing to the machine. It was in the twoleg clearing.

"What you old coot?" Dovewing snapped. Purdy shrieked "LOOKY THERE! ITS MA TIME MACHINE!"

Dovewing bent in closer to see it better when ShadowClan attacked! Dovewing, being the wuss she is, jumped into the time machine and was gone in a golden puff of fart smoke.

...in the paaast...

Dovewing was spat out of a tree. She stood up and blinked when she saw she had squished a blue cat.

A golden cat yelled "YOU JUST KILLED BLUESTAR!'' And dragged off the cat into the forest.

Dovewing shrugged and walked away. Little did she know, she had prevented Firestar from ever being taken to the forest...

...In The Future...

"I'm home!" Dovewing announced, then froze. She wasn't in the lake territory. She was in the old forest!

Tigerstar stood on the highrock, barking orders. Sandstorm was yelling at her and Dustpelt's kits, the medicine cat wasn't Leafpool - it was a strange cat. Jayfeather and Lionblaze were no where to be found, neither was Leafpool or Squirrelflight! Brambleclaw was smirking evilly and Tawnypelt was to. Dustpelt was dancing with Longtail and Darkstripe, and Greystripe... Was thin. HE WASN'T EATING.

"Aw shit..." Dovewing muttered and disappeared.

(See how much would change without Firestar?!)

...

Lilystar hummed and kicked some random cat in the face.

"THE WORLDS GONNA EEEN-" Lilystar blew up Ravenflight, making him fly into the air.

...

"Marshy!'' Graystripe yelled and ran in slow motion towards a marshmallow.

Bumblestripe turned and saw the marshmallow, then dived for it.

"NO!"

"MARSHYS MINE!"

"MINE!"

"HES MINE!"

"SHES MIIME!"

Then a mime randomly walked in. Lilystar screamed and ran.

"Mwa ha ha! Now I know her-" Tigger was cut off by Ravenflighr falling on him.


	11. Sumpin Stew

"DAWNISH!" Lilystar shrieked. Dawnish, who was nomming a pizza, yelled back "WUT?!"

Lilystar calmly shrieked "BRING ME CRYSTAL SILVERA, STORMHEART AND AWESOME KITTEH." So Dawnish did.

The four she cats walked over to Lilystar. "Now-" Lilystar started, but was cut off by SIR PHINEAS running in, wildly screeching "MENTAL HERPIES IS OUTSIDE!"

Lilystar facepawed and pushed everyone down the sewer.

ThunderClan and FanFiction Authors trudged through the mud - well, at least they think its mud..

"Are we there yet?" Lemonstar whined. Lemonstar was Lilystar's friend.

"No." Firestar mewed.

There was silence...

"Firestar, I'm cooold.'' Rosestar, another of Lilystar's friends, groaned.

"Not my problem." Firestar mewed through gritted teeth.

More silence...

"Firestar?" Cloudtail mewed.

"WHAT?!" Firestar roared.

"... Knife..." Cloudtail whispered. A knife sliced Firestar in half.

Greystripe randomly took out a random mirror and randomly whispered "Mirror, mirror, on the paw, who is the fattest of them all?"

... SIR PHINEAS gave this idea ...

Mousefur was stirring up a stew. Greystripe poked his head in the cauldron curiously.

"What are you cooking?" Greystripe asked.

"Sumpin stew." Mousefur growled.

Greystripe was silent for a moment, then asked "Is there chicken in the stew?"

"No. Only cat body parts."

"...I'll still eat it."

... A minute later ...

"ME WANT CAT!" Greystripe screamed and ran around camp eating cats.

Lilystar screamed as he tried to eat her and shot lightning.

When he tried to eat AWESOME KITTEH, she kicked him where the sun don't shine.

SIR PHINEAS let him eat him... But not before getting a SIR PHINEAS doll and putting a bomb in it and giving it to Greystripe.

In the end, Greystripe had a death wish.

...

"Oh Kitty Kat!" Stormheart sang.

SIR PHINEAS fell from the ceiling and began to randomly party.

"..." Firestar blinked.

Jayfeather was the DJ and suddenly Kitty Kat's house was filled with hyper, crap covered cats.

The tribe.

"AHH THE WORLDS GONNA END!"

...

I NEEDED TO UPLOAD! ALL HAIL SIR PHINEAS FOR GIVIN ME IDEAS!

PLEASE SUBMIT IDEAS.


	12. Catafornia

LUCKYKIT111...

"Mehmehkit! Pawpewkit!" Firestar. called from the clearing. "Get ovah here and sing for the clan!"

They sang greatly, of course. What kits don't?

The clan killed them since Lemonsyar ordered it since they were from the clan her and Rosestar hated.

LUCKY KITTEH ran up to Lilystar and said "I KNOW WHAT CLAN YOU WERE FROM!" And

everyone gathered around "REBELCLAN I THINK IS THE ONE YOU HATE!?"

Lilystar froze. Rosestar bristled. SIR PHINEAS stroked his pickle. STORMHEART thwacked his head.

"I'm from SkyClan." Lilystar replied cooly. "And now I'm going to get flipping sued for using that clans name. How fun."

...Meanwhile, in the sewer...

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE'RE LOST?!" Amberpaw shrieked at Cloudtail.

"Alright, everyone calm down-" Brambleclaw started but was cut off by Brightheart slapping him.

"AH IM CLAUSTROPHOBIC!" Sandstorm flailed.

"What does that mean?" Darkkit asked Purepaw.

"I think it means that shes afraid of Santa Claus." His older brother replied.

Foxleap froze as he saw a light. "I SEE THE LIGHT!" He screeched and ran towards it.

"DONT GO INTO THE LIIIGHT!" Cinderheart yelped, and the clan rushed after him.

They ran through the manhole into...

Catafornia!

"MARSHMALLOW FIGHT!" AWESOME KITTEH announced and threw a sticky, burning hot marshmallow at Dustpelt's face.

...Meanwhile in the freaky future...

Dovewing's eyes widened and she looked around frantically.

Tigger looked up and smirked. "Intruder!" He yowled, and cats swarmed towards her.

Dovewing screamed and yelped "WHERES MARY SUE WHEN YOU NEED HER?!"

"Did somebody say... Mary Sue!" A high, giggly voice announced and the golden furred she cat strutted into camp. Blinded by her Mary Sue-ness, the cats stared at her. Dovewing crept away into the time machine.

...In the past!...

She watched as Firestar - now Rusty - was taken to the clan. Dovewing smiled and scratched her butt before going back to her time.

...At Court...

"Ah frick..." Lilystar groaned, banging her head on the table. "This is your fault." She glared at her sister, who was whistling innocently.

"I didn't mean to blow up Catafornia with marshmallows!" AWESOME KITTEH insisted. "Now whos my lawyer?"

"I will." Firestar offered and walked over. AWESOME KITTEH nodded and sighed happily.

"Firestar-" The judge, Steve, was cut off by Firestar yelling "Thats Mr. Firestar to you!"

With a sigh, Steve continued. "Mr. Firestar, what did your client do?"

"Blow up a country. No biggie." Firestar shrugged.

"And you better let her go or you'll be hearing from me." Lilystar butted in.

"And me." Mary Sue trilled, twirling her hair around her finger.

"AND MEEEEEE!" SIR PHINEAS roared as he smashed through the wall in his tank, squishing Steve.

"WE WON THE CASE!"

...

Thanks to Crystal Silvera, Lucky Kitty, S.P and all that gave me ideas!


	13. Happy Easter! Easter Bunny adventures

"EASTER HUUUUNT!" Lilystar yelled from her cloud.

Everyone in ThunderClan cheered except for Ashfur. "Whats an easter hunt?" He asked stupidly.

"FIGURE IT OUT." Dawnish screamed. Ashfur turned to Ferncloud. "Whats an easter hunt?" He asked.

"I DONT KNOW I DONT KNOW I DONT KNOW!" Ferncloud yowled dramatically.

AWESOME KITTEH facepawed. "Just go get the easter eggs." She ordered and shooed them out of camp.

...In the messed up future...

"How'd I get here again?!" Dovewing shrieked, then sighed and walked into camp. Looking around, she thought everything was normal-

"NEVER USE THE N WORD NARRATOR!" Bluestar screamed, coming down from the stars. "THOUGHT I HAD FORGOTTEN, EH BUDDY?!" She shot Narrator down with metal easter eggs.

Dovewing backed away slowly, then ran away screaming.

...

Quintian randomly ran into camp being chased by some velicraptors. They were dancing to 'Its Friday' and Quinitain was screaming from the horror.

Then, the epic Dumbledore strangles it with his epic beard.

...

ThunderClan was nomming on some easter eggs, then a giant voice came. But for once it was not Lilystar.

"Hello my pretties!" Tigger yelled from a floating castle in the sky. Scourge waved. There was a floating moat around it and about a million guns.

They began to shoot. The caps and Lilystar were gone to get some food so they couldn't help. ThunderClan was just about overflowing with bombs, wheeeeen...

"NEVER FEAR, THE EASTER BUNNY IS HERE!" A cat yelled, flying into camp. She had bunny ears and tail, but was wearing clothes that would make a hooker jealous.

The toms stared, drooling, while the she cats slapped their heads. Easter Bunny began to magically turn all the bombs into Easter Eggs.

"YUMMEH." Ashfur yelled as he randomly fell out of the sky. Foxleap cried "HAVE YOU SEEN THIS MARSHMALLOW!" While shoving lost posters in cats faces. Greystripe, of course, was scoffing all the easter eggs while Millie shook her head disapprovingly.

"You eat em like this!" Millie instructed, and shoved them down his throat. He gargled a thanks and continued to eat.

"How can we repay ya Easter Bunny?" Firestar asked, him and the toms still drooling.

Easter Bunny checked her watch and mewed "Easters over. I'm just plain Bunny now." Then she flew off, leaving a trail of easter eggs behind her.

Ashfur yowled "Goodbye Mary Poppins!"

* * *

**Wow! 101 reviews? Thanks guys! Happy easter!**


	14. Leafpool I needa loan

"YOU SHALL NOT PAAASSS!" SIR PHINEAS yelled at AWESOME KITTEH.

"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?!" Sandstorm screamed at Greystripe

"That Firestar was my best friend!" Greystripe replied, confused.

"YOUR IN TROUBLE!" She yowled back.

"WHAT'D I DO?!" Greystripe flailed.

"I refuse to share!"

"He was mine first!"

"No, mine!"

"Mine!"

Firestar grinned. His dream had come true. Two cats - even though one was a gay tom - were fighting over him!

...Gathering...(Sarah gave me this idea)

"And ShadowClan is good-" Blackstar mewed.

"FAAAART!" At that very moment, the purple time machine did an extremely loud fart, that was extremely gross and extremely awkward and random. Then it shot a firey fast diarreah stream at Blackstar, coating him and all the cats in the crowd.

"EWWW YOU POOPED ON US!" Everyone yelled, a look of disgust on their faces. They all stopped and stared for a moment before starting to whisper to each other.

"So gross..."

"Hes disgusting!"

"Remember to bring umbrellas next time..."

"Or we could clone Firestar and use him as a shield so he'd get pooped on."

"Or use Leafpool's car!"

Then Greystripe came back from taking a dump behind a tree. "What are you guys talking about?" He asked curiously, toilet paper stuck to his butt.

"Well, its a long story, but Blackstar, he was talking, then he farted, and a dirrareh poop stream came shooting at us! And, then we were talking about using Firestar as a shield." Lionblaze replied.

"And they thought to take my car!" Leafpool sniffed.

"OOH! I KNOW!" Greystripe yelled. "WE SHOULD GET A THOUSAND MILLION STUFFED TOYS AND MAKE A CASTLE!"

And then the time machine pooped on them again. They held up Leafpool's car.

"Oh guys not my car!" Leafpool yelped. "Now I have to get Firestar to go and get me a new one! But you can only but them in Catafornia, so he'd go all the way there and spend all my money on casino!"

"Ooh! I can build you a car!" Greystripe offered.

"Aw Thankyou." Leadpool smiled.

About an hour later Greystripe walked over and mewed "Your cars ready."

"Ok I'll come get it." Leadpool mewed and followed him.

She gasped when she saw the car. It was made of stuffed toys and the wheels were rolled up mud. "Hey... Hey..." Firestar whispered to Leafpool. "I wanna show you something..."

She gasped and thought 'Maybe its a car! Greystripew one sucks.' They got to camp and Firestar was like "Come with me."

And then he took her to the middle of the woods and there was a giant stuffed toy from the casino! Greystripe came running. He sat down and gasped.

"Stuffed toys and feathery softness!" He shrieked as he ran into the teddy's fur. "But theres nothing in here!"

Firestar whispered to Leafpool "I needa loan. I spent all my money on the casino. Got any money?"

Five hundred moving vans were outside. "Oh yeah. Leafpool I needa loan. I brought some... Stuff. Got any money?" Greystripe whispered.

Another five hundred moving vans drove up. "Oh yeah I needa loan. I brought some stuff. " firestar whispered.

Leafpool facepawed.

...

STORMHEART and Crystal Silvera were dancing on the highledge, doing the Harlem shake. Squirrelflight was gossiping to Tawnypelt on her phone and Dustpelt was peeling gooey marshmallows of him, that SIR PHINEAS had thrown at him.

All of a sudden Slenderman appeared! Lilystar screamed like a little girl and hid behind Dawnish. Foxleap smirked.

"Awww, is wittle Lilystar scaredy-waredy?" Foxleap cooed. He immediately was blown up.

"FORGET WHY I'M CALLED THE GREAT VOICE IN THE SKY, HUH?!" She shouted, but still hid. Bunny skipped over and all the toms drooled.

"INTO THE SEWER!" Cinderheart announced and dived in. Everyone else ran and squelched through the mud and... Other substances.

"I think we lost Slendy..." Brambleclaw muttered. Slenderman appeared and everyone screamed. Lilystar flailed "ITS MY SECOND WORST NIGHTMARE!"

"Whats your first worst?" Ferncloud asked. Lilystar blew her to smithereens.

"Slap her senseless." AWESOME KITTEH whispered to SIR PHINEAS. He shook his head wildly and the group ran away.

They were soon in Catafornia. "See!" Leafpool announced. "He'll never find us here!"

Slenderman popped up with an umbrella, sunglasses and flowery tourist shirt. He then burnt to death.

Sighing in relief, the clan headed back home. When they reached the camp, however, Kitty Kat squealed in terror when a low, raspy groan pierced the air.

Slowly they turned around and saw a million zombies. Under her breath Lilystar muttered "THIS is my worst nightmare..."


	15. I can swing my sword

Firestar looked around. Him and all of ThunderClan were in Minecraft.

"Wow! Sandstorm, your SQUARE!" He giggled immaturely. Sandstorm slapped him.

Lilystar began to freak out. "We gotta make a house before night! The zombies will get us!" She ran in circles, shrieking. AWESOME KITTEH slapped her a few times and barked "Geta hold of yourself woman!"

Greystripe farted. Immediately the sun died and night came. Everything was silent... Until he farted again.

"ARGH! DISGUSTING!" Brook yelled. Then a creeper walked over.

"Hey little guy!" Firestar smiled at the creeper. "I think he likes me-" the creeper then blew up, making a huge hold in the ground.

They all blinked, then jumped in the hole to explore. SIR PHINEAS swung his diamond pick axe and hummed. AWESOME KITTEH yowled "I can swing my sword, sword, I can swing my sword, sword..."

ThunderClan crept through the tunnel, Greystripe still farting. He occasionally pooped and ate it because he was so hungry. Then a zombie jumped out of the shadows.

"SAVE MEEEE!" Lilystar and Firestar shrieked at the same time. Lilystar blindly threw lightning and yowled "KILL IT! KILL THE BISH!" While jumping on Kitty Kat's head. Firestar made a break for it while creepers and spiders piled into the hole.

Greystripe then farted, a giant, disgusting sound, and all the monsters died. They slowly crept out of the hole then ran from the creepers that were chasing them.

"CAUS BABY TONIGHT! THE CREEPERS ARE CHAASING US!" They bellowed. Greystripe farted in response.

...

Dovewing went back in time again. But this time she went back to the dinosaurs... Yes, she went to see Bluestar when she was leader.

"YO BLUESTAR-IZZLE!" She bellowed (Hee hee. Bellowed.) as she skipped into camp. Bluestar looked up from where she was eating frog testicles and mumbled "Yus?"

"The blue she cat then looked-" Narrator gulped as Bluestar raised a gun. "My clan is hungry. Do you really want me to shoot you in the leg?"

"BOO." A great booming voice yelled. Everyone looked up in the sky with fear, except Dovewing.

"HIYA LILYSTAR!" Dovewing yelled, wildly waving her paw. Lilystar frowned and yelled "HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME?"

"I come from the future! To prove it, I bring Galexy S 3's!" Dovewing announced, waving a brick in the air.

"Ooh... Ahhh..." ThunderClan cooed. "SHIIIINY ROCK." Tigerclaw hissed.

"AHH! UGLY!" Dovewing yelled, killing Tigerclaw. She had altered the past again...

...

"Hello dear children!" TheArchive croaked raspily, taking a puff of her weed. Lilystar groaned and AWESOME KITTEH banged her head on the table. Kitty Kat sighed and sipped her coffee, while LUCKY KITTEH sharpened her knife, looking at her mother.

"What mother." Lilystar asked, annoyed.

"I am pregnant, again." TheArchive announced.

"AGAIN?!" Her daughters shrieked, eyes wide. "WHAT TOMS STUPID ENOUGH TO KNOCK YOU UP?!"

Hawkfrost looked around nervously. Kitty Kat turned to her husband. "You didn't." She hissed.

"I thought she was you!" He exclaimed.

"HOW DO I LOOK LIKE HER?" Kitty Kat yowled.

"Well... Your both ugly..."

CRACK! SNAP! THUD! SQUELCH! Kitty Kat slapped him, Lilystar lightning-ed him, AWESOME KITTEH punched him and LUCKY KITTEH threw her knife.

"Anyway," TheArchive continued, puffing her weed. "Its a girl. And its name will be McFucker."

"No." Lilystar replied calmly. "My sister will not be called McFuck."

"Then What will it be called?" TheArchive demanded, chugging some beer.

"McSexy." Kitty Kat suggested.

"McAwesome." AWESOME KITTEH stated.

"McLucky!" LUCKY KITTEH grinned.

"MCMARY-SUE!" TheArchive's favourite daughter, Mary-Sue, squealed as she sashayed in.

"No. It shall be named Amberkit!" Lilystar announced. "And after she is born, we'll hog tie Mom and leave her to ThunderClan."

...

"Pssst... Dude..." Firestar giggled to Onestar, smoking weed.

"Yeah broski?" Onestar whispered back, chugging some beer.

"How come Mistystar's making out with Hawkfrost?"

"Caus the chicken!" Onestat flailed.

Mistystar and Blackstar watched them silently, sighing.

"I CAN BREAK THESE CUFFS!" Greystripe bellowed. (Hee hee.)

"THATS GETTING OLD!"

"Shuffling?"

"EVEN OLDER!"

"Gangam style?"

"NOPE."

"Harlem Shake?!"

"NUH UH. THE CRUMP' IS WAY BETTER." Lilystar announced. Firestar began to crump.


	16. Baldest of them all

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the craziest of them all?" Firestar asked slowly, staring at a puddle on the ground.

He had been reading FanFiction again, and was excited when he saw some ones about him. He was disappointed when in most of them he wasn't crazy, even in the crazy ones. So here he was, looking into a dirty mud puddle and asking if he's crazy.

"YOUR NOT THE CRAZIEST, BUTTCRAP." The puddle spat. Firestar then asked "Who is, then?!"

"Bunnybuscus." The puddle replied.

"Can't say that its lying..." Firestar murmured as Bunnybuscus crawled around in the ground, wearing PJ's and foaming at the mouth as she yelled "THE ENDERMEN ARE COMMIIINNN!"

"Well, I best be the greatest of something!" Firestar yelled. The puddle immediately grunted "Your the baldest."

"What? I'm not bald-" in a flash all of Firestar's fur was gone.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Firestar began to scream. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Ten hours later...

"AAAAAAHHHHHH!"

...Several years later...

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

...Several more years later...

"AHHHHHHH!" Firestar paused to take a breath and everyone sighed in relief. They groaned when he started screaming again.

...At Firestar's Funeral...

In Firestar's coffin he was still screaming.

...

"MARSHMALLOW FIGHT!" AWESOME KITTEH announced, shooting marshmallows at Ashfur.

Everyone began to throw some and Dustpelt threw some at LUCKY KITTEH. LUCKY KITTEH shot him in the head.

"Hey! They weren't marshmallows!" Dustpelt complained from StarClan.

"Yes they were!" LUCKY KITTEH grinned.

STORMHEART and AWESOME KITTEH high fived her and grinned.

"I AM WATERSTAR." A booming voice yelled.

"AND I'M FREAKIN LILYSTAR. BACK OFF." Lilystat roared from her cloud. Waterstar's cloud ran away.

ThunderClan threw marshmallows as it ran.

...

IDEAS. NEED IDEAS.


	17. Butt Nuggets

"FIRESTAR!" Greystripe bolted into Firestar's den. Firestar woke up in a puddle of drool.

"Yus?" Firestar asked. Sandstorm ran past the den, screaming "THE ELEPHANTS ARE HEEERRREEE!"

Firestar and Greystripe were silent for a few hours, then Greystripe said "The elephants are attacking."

"Fire the kits!" Firestar ordered. Greystripe burped, nodded, and loaded the kit strippers into the cannons. He began to fire at the giant elephants, and the kit Strippers distracted them.

Then the time machine crapped on them.

"RAWR!" Some random cat shrieked. Firestar screamed like a kit and ran in circles, his arms flailing.

"THE CHEEEEESSEEEE IS FALLING! EVACUATE LITTLE BUTT NUGGETS!" Firestar screamed and ran from the camp, smashing into random trees and screaming his head off.

...

"WHERE ARE WE!?" Firestar yowled.

Brackenfur said "Well, we are in Warriorsville, population 234672, and has been here since-"

"Shut up." Firestar whined. "Your making my brain hurt."

Brackenfur glared at him.

"So who runs this city?" Firestar asked.

"Lilystar." Brackenfur replied.

"LETS PISS HER OFF!" Greystripe beamed. Brackenfur sighed.

Sandstorm peed on signs. Greystripe ran around, smashing buckets. Blackstar, who had magically appeared, began to yodel.

The world blew up.

... In StarClan...

"I'm booooored!" Bluestar whined.

"Then go do something!" Yellowfang yelled crankily.

"Leteth useth goeth andeth bloweth upeth ThunderClaneth!" Shadow mewed.

"Noeth, leteth useth unleasheth monsterseth oneth theeth clanseth!" Wind smiled.

Bluestar, who spoke Oldcatlanguage, yelled "YAAYYY!"

...Back with the clans...

The clans had evacuated to the Future (Great idea Greystripe) but had been magically teleported to the past. Now Firestar was laughing manically as Brackenfur was eaten by a dinosaur.

Then a giant butt fell out of the sky and landed on Firestar.

"AHHHHHH!" Everyone screamed and scrambled away.

Then a million bombs rained on them. One landed on Sandstorm's tongue and she exploded.

...

Eventually StarClan finished there rain of Terror and let the clans go home.

"Everything was peaceful - well as about as peaceful as ThunderClan camp can get-" Bluestar appeared, ripped the Narrator's face off, then disappeared.

And then the Dark Forest fell on Firestar's face.

It was chaos; Sandstorm was screaming, the apprentices were yodelling, Greystripe was eating everyones pies and Brackenfur was yelling smart stuff.

Then the world exploded, and the time machine crapped on everyone.


	18. My precious head!

"HOLY BUTT! ITS THE BUTTOPALOUS!" Greystripe ran into the camp screaming his head off.

"Shut up Greystripe!" Firestar yelled. Then the time machine farted all over them.

"AHHHG!" Brightheart shrieked then fainted. Squirrelflight gossiped on the phone to Tawnypelt and Leafpool groaned "My car!" Her car was covered in dung.

...

"Daddy... Can I have a new car?" Leafpool asked sweetly.

"No!" Firestar exclaimed as he munched a chip.

"I WANNA FERRARI!"

"TO BAD! NOW GO TO THE BUTT CORNER!" Firestar roared. Leafpool slunk off to ShadowClan territory, A.K.A the Butt Corner.

Greystripe danced around in camp, singing "He's bringing water back! Yerp! All the other ponies dont know how to act!"

A pony neighed and Greystripe shrieked like a little girl and fainted.

...

"AHHHHHG!" AWESOME KITTEH chased Brambleclaw around camp. Firestar watched, eating popcorn.

"What'd he do this time?" Jayfeather sighed as AWESOME KITTEH pinned Brambleclaw down and forced him to listen to Justin Bieber.

"Ate her hotdog."

"Ahh."

...

"The awesomeness has arrived!" AWESOME KITTEH casually walked inside the Cloud house and put Brambleclaw's head on the table.

"Eww! We sit on that table you know!" Mary-Sue squealed, toppling her pink nail polish all over the head.

"Now look what you did!" AWESOME KITTEH hissed.

"You're the one who put the head in the way!"

"YOU BROKE MY HEAD!"

"YOU SMASHED MY NAIL POLISH!"

"Tapu." Lilystar piped up. The two sisters groaned. "Sitting on the table is Tapu."

"Whats Tapu?" Dawnish asked. "Tapu is-"

"Now you got her started on Tapu!"

The three cats yelled at each other while Lilystar watched, then set the head on fire. The three blinked, then AWESOME KITTEH turned around slowly.

"You burnt my head." She hissed. "My precious head!"

"I did burn that head."

"DIE!" AWESOME KITTEH tackled Lilystar. "YOU BURNT MY PRECIOUS HEAD!"

Lilystar burnt AWESOME KITTEH's head. "NOW I BURNT YOUR HEAD! HAHAGQWRHEFHSFFW!"

"The two insane she cats-" Narrator started, but was brutally murdered by Bluestar.

"And that is why you never put Brambleclaw's head on the table." Mary Sue mewed.


	19. Lilerstar

As Greystripe was about to eat a vole, Lionblaze snatched it.

"Its looks like a bear!" He announced.

"No, it looks more like a kumquat!" Brambleclaw giggled.

"Or a sun!"

"Gimme back my vole!" Greystripe cried.

"What are you gonna do with it?"

"Eat it-"

"NOOOO! YOU CANT EAT BOB!" Firestar shrieked, running in circles.

"You named my vole Bob? Wha-"

"BOBS NOT YOURS! HES HIS OWN FREE PERSON! BOB HAS FEELINGS TOOOOO!"

"..."

Then Firestar grabbed all the fresh kill and paraded around, yelling "FOOD HAS FEELINGS TO!"

Jayfeather face pawed.

...At the gathering...

"Food has feeling to! FOOD HAS FEELINGS TOOOO!" Firestar screamed and walked around with a huge sign. Mistystar and Blackstar stared at him, while Onestar cheered for the ginger leader.

"Firestar, what in the name of StarClan are you DOING?!" Blackstar snapped.

"A protest! Our fresh kill, our FOOD, has feelings!" Firestar declared and continued chanting his protest.

It went on for hours, until Blackstar 'accidentally' threw a rock at his head and knocked him out.

...

"I sense a banana!" Brightheart proclaimed.

"Thats stupid." Cloudtail mewed.

"Stupid things are stupid." Thornclaw nodded.

"No, stupid things are interesting!" Cloudtail argued.

"Your stupid!" Thornclaw exclaimed.

"Your stupid!" Cloudtail spat.

"Why am I stupid?!"

"Because I like pumpkins!"

"What does that have to do with ANYTHING?!"

"Everything."

"Everything?"

"Everything."

...

"IM ON THE HIGHWAY TO HELL!" Firestar sung shrilly.

ThunderClan had had the 'brilliant' idea of driving to Catafornia. So there they were, driving on the highway in Firestar's famous limo.

Whitewing watched out the window as some twolegs played golf. "What are they doing?"

Brackenfur informed her "Playing Golf, a common twoleg game, played by-"

"AHH NOT YOU AGAIN!" Firestar flailed, knocking Brackenfur out and almost crashing in the process.

"EYES ON THE ROAD, FIRESTAR!" LUCKY KITTEH called from the back of the limo, where she was playing illegal poker with Lilystar, SIR PHINEAS, Lilacstar of ShadowClan and Edward Cullen.

"Straight flush. Pay up Cullen." Lilacstar grinned. Edward burst into tears, threw his money at her and ran out wailing.

He was run over by a truck.

...

Blackstar was happily munching a vole in SC camp, when a voice yelled "HELLO BLACKSTAR."

"WHO THE DARK FOREST ARE YOU?!" Blackstar shrieked. The voice cackled.

"I am your worst nightmare-" The voice started, but was cut off by Lilystar yelling "Mary-Sue, are you using my voice louder-er again?!"

"Er, no Lils!" Mary-Sue called. The was a scuffling noise. Blackstar waited patiently.

"Sorry about that, Mary-Sue keeps touching my stuff." Lilystar mewed, then turned her device off. She turned and glared at her golden furred sister.

"Work on your disguise, AWESOME KITTEH." Lilystar told 'Mary-Sue'. "You don't fool me for one second."

...

"YOU'RE A GARY-STU!" Sandstorm shrieked at the drunk Firestar.

"Whaazzaat?" Firestar slurred, then passed out.

Sandstorm huffed, flipped her light ginger hair, while her green eyes glittered.

"HOLY BUTT ITS THE DUMBLEDORE GLITTER!" Cloudtail shrieked and passed out.

Sandstorm smiled sweetly, and AWESOME KITTEH gasped. "I don't think Firestar's the Mary-Sue - SANDSTORM IS!"

Everything turned to chaos.

"EVACUATE!" Brightheart shrieked and ran towards the entrance. Everyone backed away from Sandstorm; elders were bawling, Brackenfur was rambling on about the history of Mary-Sues and the kits were running out of camp.

"HOLY SHEET!" Cloudtail wailed as he ran with a sheet that had holes in it.

...

"AWESOME KITTEH snuck out of her room in the dead of night. She tiptoed down the stairs and creaked open the-" Narrator gulped as Bluestar appeared in front of him.

"DIE MOTHER FLIPPER!" Bluestar shrieked and shot him.

"Shut UP!" AWESOME KITTEH hissed. "You're giving away my cover!"

Mary-Sue pranced downstairs and mewed loudly "What are YOU doing Awesome?"

"Yeah!" LUCKY KITTEH exclaimed, bouncing down after her.

"Shut up! You'll wake-" AWESOME KITTEH didn't get to finish her sentence.

A loud, very ticked off voice came from the top of the stairs. "Can you NOT let a cat SLEEP around here?!" Lilystar hissed.

Everyone sighed in relief, until a nasally, raspy voice yelled "YOU'VE GOT SOME EXPLAINING TO DO!"

Lilystar screamed and ran down the stairs. There, on the top step, was TheArchive - their mother. She had on clothes that would make a Prostitute look like a nun; she had a smoke hanging out of her mouth and make-up plastered on her face.

"RUN!" AWESOME KITTEH roared, and the siblings smashed out the door.

Down below was Cloudtail screaming "HOLEY SHEEEEETT!"


End file.
